


Bruce's rules to preserve his sanity

by BlueFlameBird



Category: Justice League - All Media Types, Young Justice - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, I dont think its going to work much, I might do couples, Im not sure yet, Poor Bruce, batkids are fun, bruce made these rules in an attempt to hold his sanity, epic food fights, ill tag as i go - Freeform, mostly fluff and humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-29
Updated: 2016-08-24
Packaged: 2018-07-19 01:37:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7339297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueFlameBird/pseuds/BlueFlameBird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, leading both young justice and the league was a bit too much. Someone get him out of there before he ended up in arkham please?</p><p>A series of one shots of the adventures of bruce, the team, and the league. Shenanigans. Ideas welcome!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just an idea I had. Short fluffy moments of the league and team. I typed this on my phone, so forgive any mistakes.

**Rule 1: No speedster is allowed to drink any type of energy drink**

It started on a normal day. The Young Justice team had just returned from a mission, tired and weary. Batman was in the cave, ready for their mission report. When they walked in, though, they noticed a cart of what looked like bottles of blue acid on it. Nightwing and Robin both shared a confused glance before silently questioning their mentor, who just ignored them in normal Batman fashion.

After an awkward silence, Conner asked. "What is that?"

"Justice Juice." Bruce replied without missing a beat. Dick, Wally and Bart snorted, but immediately straightened up at the glare Batman sent them.

"Justice Juice?" Zatana asked, eyeing the bottles as if it would jump out at her.

"It's an energy drink I made myself. Specifically made for when we have long missions and spend several nights up and about."

"Sounds useful," Nightwing said cautiously, daring to pick up a bottle. "Does it work? who made it?"

"I did."

 Dick gave Batman an incredulous glance, but seeing the Dark Knight look as stoic as ever, he realized with dawning horror that he was absolutely serious. 

"Oh, my God-"

"Does it taste any good?" 

Dick refused to jump at Wally's sudden presence. He was used to him popping out of nowhere anyway, the same way the speedster was used to Dick's disappearing and reappearing acts. 

And of course he would be concerned with it's taste and not its edibility. 

"I had the Flash try it. He said it tastes like blueberry."

Wally snorted, but the drink seemed to have pipped both his and Impulse's curiosity, as they both cautiously took a bottle. The young speedsters both shared a look before promptly taking a sip. The entire team seemed to be holding their breaths as they waited for the consensus. That was before Wally and Bart grinned at each other and downed the hold thing in speedster rapid fashion. 

"They're good!" Bart exclaimed happily, snagging a few bottles and speeding to Tim and Jamie, handing one to them both before promptly downing another. 

"They are! Blueberry with a hint of watermelon?" Wally asked, handing one out to Dick, who just looked at the juice like it might jump him. When the first boy wonder didn't take it, Wally just shrugged and downed it instead. 

"Tastes like strawberry to me! Totally crash!" Bart spoke up, suddenly in front of the bottles again.

"Uh, I don't think drinking so many is wise." Kaldur spoke up, his body tense. Dick realized a second too late what he meant. Wally and Bart were already running around the place, speed talking and downing the last few bottles. Was it possible for speedsters to get hyper?

Dick's answer came in the form of Hal Jordan, who called from the Watchtower. Batman flicked his wrist and his face was shown on screen to the rest of the team. Behind him, a red blur seemed to be running around, papers and things scattering behind him, lightning rolling off of him and making people think twice before trying to touch him. The blur stopped long enough for Dick to realize it was the Flash, talking way too fast for anyone to dispatcher, before flashing off again. A flash of blue and red signified that Clark was trying (and failing) to catch the hyper speedster.

There was a tense silence between the Green Lantern and the Caped Crusader before Hal broke it. "I really hate you sometimes, Bats."

"He drank them all." Bruce said instead. It wasn't a question but Hal nodded, his face obviously annoyed with just a touch pissed. "Didn't even give us a chance to try it. Not that I wanted to. Good call obviously."

There was a crash somewhere, and Dick and Tim both winced, eyeing Bruce carefully. Conner, Garfield and La'gaan were trying to catch the two younger speedsters. Zatanna and Artemis were carefully in the sidelines, watching with amused expressions. Megan looked completely lost. Kaldur and Roy were smart enough to try and stay out of this. Hal smirked on the screen. 

"Looks like you're busy as well. Any advice?" 

"The Justice Juice was designed to give us a large burst of energy for maximum time. It should run out soon-"

There was another crash, this time on Hal's side. He winced. 

"Just try to restrain him, it'll run out of his system soon."

Hal nodded, before there was a thud and Hal turned, obviously worried. "Barry!-"

The feed cut off, and they were left with the two idiots who were still speeding around. Bruce just gave Tim a glance, who sighed and took out his bo staff, holding it out. Sure enough, Bart tripped over it, face planting in front of both Dick and Tim. Wally followed soon after, falling on top of the youngest speedster. 

Tim whispered something into Bart's ear, who's eyes widened before glancing at Wally. The redhead's eyes narrowed challengingly and they both sped out the room.

"What'd you tell him?" Dick asked. Tim smirked. 

"I told him I hid a bag of chicken wheezes somewhere in his room and whoever found it could eat it."

"They're going to be looking for a while, aren't they?" Dick asked, smirking. Tim just smirked back, reminding Dick he could be an evil mastermind when he wanted to be. 

Robin walked over to Batman, placing a supportive hand on his shoulder. "Next time, just let Alfred deal with drinks please." And with that, Tim stalked out the room, ignoring Dick's tired sigh. 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Batman adds another rule to his list, this time because of his own students

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another headcannon I had, ninja children simultaneously make things fun and difficult xD remember, suggestions welcome!

**Rule two: No batkid is allowed to play anything nerf or ninja related**

Wally West would be the first to say he was Dick Grayson's best friend. They had known each other since they were kids, and their friendship was something he knew he was lucky to have, especially since for a while he was one of the few people who knew his secret ID when he was Robin.

But at this moment, he absolutely hated him and the rest of the Bats.

"Dammit, Nightwing! Fine! You, Batgirl and Robin win!! Just come out already!"

Nightwing's cackle was heard before he nearly materialized out of nowhere. Robin dropped from the ceiling, smirk on his face as Batgirl crawled out of a corner that should have been way too small for her to fit.

Freaking bats.

"Its alright, Wally, when we play Hide and Seek in the batcave, it usually takes hours before we find each other."

Wally absolutely was not pouting. Conner, who had been playing with them, rolled his eyes. Megan simply giggled. She was on Wally's team. How they managed to find her despite the fact she could turn intangible and invisible, Wally would never know. He just accepted it as a batkid thing.

"Alright, well now that that game is over, do you guys want to get your butts kicked at something else?" Babs asked, cracking her knuckles with a smirk. Wally would never admit it kind of scared him. 

"How about we play with those darts that Artimis and Roy use?" Megan suggested cheerily. 

"You mean the nerf?" Robin, Tim, asked, sharing a look with Nightwing.

"Yeah those! There were foam ninja stars and swords and arrows! It could be fun!"

The three Bats shared an equally scary smirk that made both Wally and Conner cringe. 

Needless to say, three hours later, when Batman walked in, Wally and Conner were passed out on the floor while Megan pouted in the corner, watching as Robin, Nightwing and Batgirl attacked each other with foam bullets and weapons with skills that rivaled the best assassin. Anyone who walked in would be assaulted by a barrage of foam darts. 

Bruce had to wait another hour before finally getting fed up and knocking them all out. 

Needless to say, none of the batkids were ever allowed to play Nerf again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which bruce takes both teams for a day of fun. But figures if youre going to befriend a bat, make sure you got what it takes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who rode the joker coaster at six flags today!!!

**Rule 3: make sure you arent chickenshit if you want to hang out with a bat**

The fact that Bruce freaking Wayne basically bought Six Flags for the day so the league and team can relax was surprising. 

The fact all the bats seemed reluctant to ride the joker was just plain crazy. 

Dick and Tim had been dragging Wally and Kon ride after ride, despite Wally's many protests. It wasn't that he was  _afraid_ of coasters. No, he ran speeds faster than that daily. 

He just...didn't like them. 

When they had first arrived, Barry was dragged away by Hal, who insisted on riding the Green Lantern coaster first since "Flash doesn't have one." Bruce and Clark went to go ride both the Batman and Superman coasters and compare notes (Batman probably just didn't know how to have fun). 

Artemis and Megan immediately left, as did Bart and Jamie. 

That left Wally and Kon at the mercy of the two Robins. Both who were looking at the coaster like the Joker might actually jump out at them. 

"Dude, if you don't want to we can find something else to ride," Wally offered, watching as the two bats eyed the coaster. 

Tim and Dick shared a look. 

"We can do this." Dick insisted, walking up to the ride. "If you don't want to come for this one it's fine. I know we've been dragging you guys around."

Wally immediately grabbed Dick's hand. "No way dude. If you need me I'm there. How bad can this coaster be?"

Dick gave him a grateful smile, and Wally smiled back. Really, how bad could it be?

Twenty minutes later, Wally was puking into a trashcan as Dick cackled and rubbed his back. 

"You were right, it wasn't that bad."

"Psh, it was just a ride."

"A ride you nearly broke with your superstrength,Tim pointed out. Kon sent his best friend a glare. 

"We can go get some food now," Dick announced. "But first..."

Dick and Tim shared an evil smirk. 

Wally felt this day would be a long one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as you see it doesn't have alot of annoy bruce, its .mostly timkon amd birdflash fluff/friendship. Yeah...hope you enjoyed!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in honor of all the pokemon go memes that has filled my tumblr and fb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no words for this, i cringed the entire time i wrote it. i should note i still havent gotten the game
> 
> captain cold is such a chill rogue

**Rule 4: ABSOLUTELY NO POKEMON GO WHILE ON DUTY**

The Team and League fought side by side, taking down the group of villains that banded together in an attempt to take them down. Batman, Robin, Nightwing and Batgirl were fighting both Harley and Poison Ivy. Flash, Kid Flash and Impulse were taking on a Captain Cold and Heatwave team up.  And Superman and Superboy were fighting a kryptonite-suit wearing Lex Luthor.

Things were going rather smoothly for once, until all of a sudden Kid Flash stopped, his phone giving him a ping. Nightwing looked over to his friend expectantly.

“Dude! There’s a Pikachu near here!”

“What?” Nightwing was by his side in an instant, looking at Wally’s phone. Sure enough, the indicator said a Pikachu, level 90, was in the vicinity.

“I suggest you hurry up and catch it before I do.” Captain Cold suddenly spoke up, his own phone having been pulled out. Bart and Barry were standing at the side, obviously confused.

Wally began to run but suddenly stopped short, groaning. “AWW MAN! Someone already caught it!”

“You didn’t really think I would let you catch it, did you?” Lex spoke up, smirking as he waved his own high-tech phone. “I’ve figured out the easiest ways to catch all the pokemon and hatch eggs already. I have four gyms around under my team.”

“Team Valor?” Nightwing asked, incredulous.

“Dude, Team Instinct is where it’s at!” Wally protested.

“WHAT? Team Mystic! How could you betray me like this??” Nightwing cried, clearly heartbroken.

“Team Mystic, huh? Then it is my duty to take you down then,” Lex growled, slowly advancing on Nightwing. Captain Cold suddenly stood between them.

“Team Mystic is the best team there is. Why don’t I show you just how powerful we are,” Len threatened.

“TEAM VALOR!” Lex roared, charging for Captain Cold.

“TEAM INSTINCT!” Wally cried, speeding towards Lex.

“TEAM MYSTIC!” Nightwing and Captain cold cheered together, cold gun and escrima sticks ready.

“TEAM NOTHING! ALL OF YOU ARE IDIOTS!” Batman roared, stopping them in their tracks. Barry shook his head, clearly at a loss. Superman and Superboy just looked confused. Tim and Babs were just done.

“Hey, I just got another notification! It’s a Scyther this time!” Wally cheered.

“I CALL IT!” Lenny and Lex cried at the same time, making a run for it.

“AH! I love me a good pokemon chase! Come on, Ivy!” Harley cheered, putting on a red cap on her head before prancing away, Ivy following with a small smirk on her face.

“Guess that solves the Rogue problem…” Babs muttered.

“Screw that, I need to go pokemon hunting!” Wally cheered, ready to take off before Tim’s voice stopped him.

“Don’t bother, it was a fake notification. Besides, Lex wasn’t the one who caught the Pikachu, I was.”

Wally and Dick both stared at Tim incredulously as he smirked, heading towards his bike.

Bruce gave a long suffering sigh.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Movie night at the cave!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is just fluff, no bruce stress going on :3 so much hype for the justice league trailer im so excited ! poor hal though...

**Rule 5: NO SUPERHERO MOVIES IN THE CAVE have them at the manor instead**

The team set up their living room so it was a screening room. Beanbags, blankets, and pillows all over the floor. Megan was making popcorn, with help from Artemis. Tim, Cyborg and Dick had Tim's laptop connected to the projector, a long list of superhero movies waiting to be played. 

Jason, Roy and Kori were already sitting down, playfighting as they waited for things to start. Hal and Barry were at the side, Hal spewing off some nonsense about his latest mission. Bruce and Clark were in the back, watching with amused glances and sharp eyes. Everyone else was finding a place to sit, passing out snacks and preparing for what Wally called the very first team-league movie night. 

Hopefully if things went well there would be more to come. 

The first thing they did was watch a few movie trailers. Hal whined about not being in the new Justice League trailer (Barry patted his back sympathetically, smirking all the while) while Jason and Roy practically drooled over the Wonder Woman trailer. 

They went through the Green Lantern movie first, Barry laughing and even Bruce snickering at some parts that were over the top. 

"At least they got Sinestro right." Barry tried. Hal just grunted. 

They watched Deadpool next. 

Bruce immediately burned the disk. 

During Batman vs Superman, Bruce and Clark argued the entire time, earning sharp glares from Kon and Dick, which made them both mutter jabs to each other. 

Bruce teared at the end, even if he didn't show it. And he most certainly didn't hug Clark, even if the idiot was smirking at him like he knew what was going through his mind. 

Dick cringed as they went through all of the early batman movies. Babs was having an absolute field day. 

Conner watched Man of Steel with unsuppressed glee. Superman smiled at that. 

Bruce and Jason left the room for the Dark Knight, but returned for the other two movies. 

Dick didn't blame them, the Joker creeped him out a bit.

As they watched Throne of Atlantis, Dick spared a glance at Arthur and leaned into Kaldur's space. "Is he always like that?"

"Only when he needs to be." was Kaldur's simple response. Dick shivered. Note to self, don't piss off the king of Atlantis.

 Jason grinned as he pulled out the disk for Under the Red Hood. Bruce looked like he wanted to protest but seeing how everyone wanted to watch, he relented. 

At the end of the movie, Dick, Tim and Babs were staring at Jason with an unreadable expression. Before Jason could question them, they jumped on him, Roy, Kori and a few others joining in a group hug. 

"JASON MY BABY BROTHER IM SO SORRY I HAVENT BEEN THERE FOR YOU!" Dick wailed, practically crushing his successor to his chest. 

Jason cursed and fought his way away from the hugs, getting up with a blush and storming out of the room. 

This time, Bruce did laugh. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Batman wonders if he's the only one with the communication problem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh...yeah xD

**Rule 6: COMMUNICATE CLEARLY! I DONT CARE HOW CLOSE YOU ARE**

"Bro."

Head nod. Then.

"Bro."

Head shake. A glare. 

"Bro!"

"Bro..."

"Bro."

More head nods and shakes. 

"Bro."

"Bro."

After a few more head shakes Artemis cleared her throat. "You boys mind sharing with the class?"

Wally sent her a glare, but Nightwing turned to the team and Batman, who were all watching with confused faces. 

"We already made the plan."

"And like six back of plans to that plan," Wally added. 

"You guys ready to start the mission?" Nightwing asked, fiddling with his gauntlets. The team all looked among themselves, then towards batman, who just sighed and nodded. 

The mission turned out to be a success. 

* * *

"But how about-"

"Nope."

"And-"

"I hate it, burn it."

"What Kon means is...no, just no."

Tim nodded, making adjustments to Kon's bike accordingly. Bart was at the side, stuffing his face full of fries and offering his input every so often. After a few more half suggestions and inputs, Kon, Tim and Bart silently looked at their finished product.

Bruce silently stalked out the room.

* * *

 

"Harper, I swear to God."

"Come on Jaybird, it wont be so bad."

Jason glares, Roy smirked. They communicated through glares and facial expressions for a minute, interrupted only by the occasional curse. 

Then, "Fine, but if you're wrong I'm shooting you."

Roy grinned. Bruce rolled his eyes as he left the room. 

* * *

"No Hal."

Puppy eyes. 

"Hal-"

Hal blinked, tilting his head and smirking. Barry sighed. 

"Alright fine."

Oli walked up, waving at them. "Hey guys!"

They shared more silent conversations. Bruce growled. 

"Alright, that't it, what are you guys talking about? Are you guys using some sort of silent code? I will figure it out eventually."

The three members looked among themselves before bursting into laughter. 

"Awww is the bat upset because he doesnt have a friend that is on the same wavelength as him?" Hal taunted, receiving a batglare. 

The three left via Zeta beam, and Clark wandered next to him. 

"I believe they were talking about going out to eat. You know, if you were nicer you'd have more friends."

Bruce turned to superman, eying him. Clark was his friend right? They knew each other for years. 

After a moment of Bruce just staring at Clark, Clark shifted uneasily. 

"Uh...Bruce?"

"Nothing, nevermind." Bruce took a dramatic turn, staking to the zeta tubes. 

"I like to think you're my best friend Bruce, I'm honored to be your friend."

Bruce paused, sparing Clark a glance before he left, a small smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor lonely bruce


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TEAM LEAGUE COOK OUT TAKES A FUN TURN
> 
> aka 
> 
> FOOD FIGHT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had to do this. I was watching RWBY and they had a food fight and i just sat there like "why can i see the team doing this."
> 
> this happened as a result

**Rule 7: DONT PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD!**

Dick laughed as Wally caught the grape Artemis threw in the air with his mouth.

“Point for the Wall-man!”

“Oh, yeah? Blue, lay one on me!” Bart cheered, Jamie smirking as he tossed his own grape, Bart catching it with no problem.

“Do people in the future always have to try and one up others?” Wally hissed at the younger speedster, only to get elbowed by Tim.

“Maybe if your food catching skills didn’t suck, I wouldn’t have to bring pride to the Allen family name.” Bart retorted, smirking as Wally’s jaw dropped.

“Ooooooh, you just gonna take that sitting down, West?” Barbara laughed, watching as Wally’s mouth clicked shut and he fixed the youngest speedster with a glare.

They were at a League-Team cookout. The only reason Bruce agreed to this was because Alfred practically forced him to congratulate everyone on saving the world…again.

Clark was more than glad to bring some of his mother’s food, and Alfred was keeping himself busy walking around as he served the heroes that were there. Only the closest heroes were allowed, the ones who knew Bruce’s identity, which was only the team and original league. Bruce rented a place in the park, where they could use their powers in peace and not have to worry about civilians.

Wally growled as he grabbed the closest thing he could find (a slice of Alfred’s pie) and chucked it at Bart’s head. Bart yelped as he ducked, the pie sailing over him and hitting Hal in the head. The green lantern was talking to Barry about something when the pie flew towards him, stopping him mid-sentence.

Barry winced as he watched his best friend’s eye twitch, before he turned towards the hooligans at the table, gaze narrowed. Immediately, Wally and Bart pointed towards each other.

“Hal, don’t you dare-“

Barry didn’t get to finish his warning before Hal grabbed the closest thing, being Conner’s plate, and flinged it at the two speedsters. Wally and Bart both yelped as they ducked, the plate hitting Dinah as she walked by.

Everyone seemed to freeze as she calmly walked over to the Lantern, and promptly smooshed his face in cake.

“FOOD FIGHT!” Bart yelled, grabbing the closest thing and flinging it at Dick, who just ducked and let Wally take the hit.

After that, chaos ensued.

* * *

 

“Thanks for agreeing to this, Alfred, you know how difficult it can be to convince Bruce to do anything fun.”

“It is my pleasure, Master Kent. Master Bruce means well but he sometimes forgets that even he is entitled to having a good time.”

Bruce rolled his eyes as Alfred and Clark talked, the three of them walking towards where the cook out was being held. They had to leave to get more food, the supers and speedsters could eat and entire supermarket and still have room for seconds.

As they approached the spot they were settled in, Bruce’s gaze narrowed. That sounded like…a fight? Clark seemed worried as well until they came to the clearing and witnessed the chaos in front of them.

Food was flying everywhere, Hal using his ring to help him throw food at the younger heroes. Dick, using a pair of leeks as escrima sticks, tossed one at his head, stunning him long enough for Wally to swoop in and slam a pie in his face before he could react.

Barry zipped in front of him, grinning as he dropped a banana peel and caused Wally to fall against a tree.

Tim flipped out of the way of some scattered food aimed at him, standing back to back with Babs as they took a few soda cans and tossed it at Oliver and Roy, the fizzy drinks exploding at their feet and blinding them long enough for Tim to grab a bread stick and twirl it, knocking them both on the side of their heads.

Megan and Jo’nn were both sitting at their tables, intangible as they watched the chaos unfold.

Kon roared as he grabbed a watermelon, tossing it at Dinah who just smirked and dodged, grabbing a link of sausages and managing to tie Conner’s hands behind his back, making sure to take the opportunity to smash a plate of mashed potatoes in his face.

As Clark, Bruce and Alfred watched the scene unfold, a cup of pudding suddenly was flung at Bruce, who stood there and glared as it landed in his hair.

Everyone seemed to freeze, watching Bruce fearfully. Everything was a complete mess, food dripping all over everything and everyone. Before Bruce could blow a gasket, Alfred stepped in, collecting the pudding cup and handing Bruce a towel.

“Children, please, do not play with the food Master Clark and I worked so hard to prepare.”

“Sorry Alfred,” most of them chorused, fixing tables that were kicked up as shields and beginning to lean the mess.

“And Master Bruce,” Bruce didn’t get a chance to look at Alfred before a pie was shoved in his face. “Do try and have fun, please.”

Bruce sighed, knowing there was no way he could get Alfred back for that. He settled for throwing cake at a laughing Clark instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All hail alfred pennyworth, the best batmember there is


End file.
